6.1 Introduction
Handshakes can be as distinctive as handwriting and reveal a lot of information regarding a person's nature and personality. They form an important tool of communication. In the previous module, we understood how palm up and palm down gestures were used to indicate dominance and submission. This module will explain their role in handshakes. Handshakes
Handshakes are used in the workplace, at parties and conferences, as well meetings, etc. By learning about the different types of handshakes and their interpretation, you can gain insight into a person's emotions. Handshakes can be as distinctive as walking or handwriting. This knowledge, in turn, can be used to understand other people, in order to enjoy a better and productive relationship with them.
Handshakes are one of the preliminary gestures that pave the way for a positive or negative first impression.
The way you shake hands with people can help establish healthy rapport, or create a negative impression. It is important, as far as possible, to be able to use the angle and pressure of your palm to establish trust, friendliness and warmth.
Arms
Arms are important in the art of body language, as they can signify many emotions. These emotions are better evaluated when gauged along with other gesture clusters that may reinforce the feeling. Similarly, arms may be crossed in several different ways and each way signifies a different set of emotions. It may also be expressive of a shift in power dynamics in the workplace.
In general, crossing your arms in front of your chest demonstrates defensiveness or even submission. For those who wish to project a positive and confident image, it is extremely important to consciously leave your arms uncrossed. Even mindless crossing of our arms across the chest may lead to feelings of defensiveness.
6.2 How Control, Submission and Dominance are conveyed through Handshakes
The role of hands in establishing dominance or submission through a handshake is not a new one.
In Roman times, leaders used to grip each other's upper hand to evaluate their relationship with each other during those critical four to five seconds. At the fundamental level, a handshake is indicative of one of the following three points. These feelings are transmitted subconsciously and act on us in subtle ways.
Dominance
You may get the strong impression that the person that you have just met is trying to dominate you and exercise his authority. Dominance is usually indicated by turning your palm face down during the handshake.
It is not necessary for your palm to face directly downwards, but you have the proverbial upper hand. This will usually establish that you will control the interactions with the person concerned.
Managers and senior company executives will usually practice the dominant handshake, in order to establish control.
Research indicates that men are more likely than women to use this type of handshake.
However, if a woman wishes to be taken seriously in the corporate world, then she should practise having a firm handshake. Studies show that women who offer a firm handshake are perceived as more open minded and create better first impressions.
Submission
Alternatively, you may get the impression that you can dominate the other person and get him or her to do what you want them to. This is done by offering your palm facing upwards to the other person.
The gesture implies that you are willing to offer them control of the encounter. Once the submissive handshake has been offered, it is necessary to observe other gesture clusters, in order to evaluate the feelings of the other person.
Equality
The third (and ideal) possibility is that both of you have an equal footing and in consequence, you may feel comfortable with the person. If two people shake hands while keeping their palms vertical and facing each other, the interaction is likely to be an equal one (while keeping other gestures in context). Many times, there is a subtle power play, where each person tries to assume the palm down position.
The Art of the Handshake
The type of handshake that you initiate or receive may have an enormous impact on the outcome of face to face meetings. This is the reason that most business schools and corporate houses train people in the art of handshaking.
There are two important ways in which to establish a healthy rapport with the person during a handshake - one is for both to assume the vertical position, without the palm up or palm down position and the other is to return the same pressure as you receive during the handshake. If the person exerts less pressure than you, reduce the pressure from your hand. Similarly, if the other person exerts more pressure than you, increase the pressure from your hand.
Many times, during meetings, you may have to shake hands with multiple people and you may have to adjust the pressure as well as angle, in order to establish a good rapport with each one. In general, the pressure exerted by a man's hand is more to that exerted by females.
Overall, the intention must be to convey friendliness, warmth and positive emotions through the handshake. Even if there happens to some subtle power play, it should be confined within the boundaries of goodwill.
Activity 1
Estimated time: 5 - 10 minutes
What would be your first reaction and response, when you notice someone extending their hand
towards you for a friendly shake?
How would you react if you did not really like the person in question?
6.3 Steps to Counter a Palm Down or Dominant Handshake The Left Foot Forward Manoeuvre
In the world of business or work, you will often encounter people who wish to establish dominance and control, starting from the handshake. There are several ways in which to counter this gesture and avoid being forced into the submissive position. In such cases, walk with your left foot forward and then use your right foot to step into the power
player's personal space, then bring your left foot to join your right foot.
This subtle manoeuvre allows you to reverse a dominant handshake, without having to be embarrassingly blatant about the gesture. In fact, you can not only counter the attempt at control, but also reverse it, by placing your own palm facing downwards.
In this case, you are countering by invading the power player's personal space. Most people are right handed and therefore, tend to step forward on the right foot first. This prevents them from having adequate room to manoeuvre their feet, to counter a dominant handshake.
The Double-Hander Handshake
If you find it challenging to use the left foot forward manoeuvre, then you can try using the double- hander. When the power player uses his palm down gesture, offer your right hand in a palm up gesture, but cover his hand with your left palm.
This is called a double-hander and effectively counters a controlling handshake gesture. Women may find this easier to use compared to the foot forward gesture, to counter a dominant handshake. On the stage of international politics, leaders who stood to the left of a photograph were usually discovered to possess more powerful and persuasive body language.
The simple reason for this is that they are able to use a palm down handshake with the leader standing next to them.
The double-hander increases the level of physical contact and is usually used with someone whom you know; this may therefore not be an acceptable form of greeting for a first time meeting. This is because, to some extent, the double-hander indicates a certain level of intimacy and is intended as a more formal substitute for a hug.
In fact, according to general observations of body language, the higher the left hand is placed on the other person's arm, the higher the level of intimacy. The double-hander handshake can be morphed into the elbow grasp, upper arm grasp, as well as the shoulder grasp. The initiator is essentially trying to establish intimacy while trying to control at the same time.
Hence, this form of hand shaking should only be used if you are sure that you are at liberty to use it without giving offence to the other person.
These forms of greeting are more common among politicians and leaders, where the dynamics of subtle power play often disguise hidden intentions.
According to body language interpretation, the pressure we exert with fingers indicates what we wish to show others, whilst the gestures associated with the palm of the hand show who we really are.
Fact
Only 12% of the world's population is left handed, while
30% use both hands.
Source: The Mirror UK
6.4 Different Types of Handshakes
Sweaty Palms
This is rated as one of the worst forms of handshake and is known to indicate nervousness and agitation. The worst feeling for the receiver is to shake hands that feel cold and somewhat like wet salmon. This problem may also occur if you are prone to excessive sweating, because the hand contains the maximum number of sweat glands.
It is a good idea to carry tissues or napkins that help mop up extra sweat, before you shake hands. Many people who offer sweaty handshakes are unaware of the negative impression that it creates.
This is called a wet fish handshake and is associated with a clammy, wet and flaccid feel. The initiator is often perceived as a weak character, mainly due to the ease with which the hand can be manoeuvred into a submissive position.
The Vice-like Grip
Sometimes, power players like to grip the handshake with the palm down and give it an excessively firm shake, followed by two to three follow up shakes.
This sort of painful handshake is usually dreaded by others and the person in question conveys an extremely negative impression. This form of vice like grip is also used by weaker characters, to prevent them from fearing dominance and control.
The Bone Crushing Handshake
The initiators of such handshakes usually impress no-one and end up driving people. They can actually crush your knuckles and inflict pain on your fingers. Men and women should especially consider avoiding wearing rings on the right hand, to prevent physical injuries.
The Tips of the Fingers Handshake
This form of handshake is commonly observed between men and women, or when the people are sitting too far away to shake hands with the full web of their palms. The finger-tip handshake may also occur between two people whose idea of intimate space is different from each other. The initiator may also feel that he is making the person feel comfortable, by lightly holding the fingertips instead of jerking the entire palm.
Overall, this form of handshake is not demonstrative of either personality or energy and leaves the receiver with no impression of you at all.
The Stiff Handshake
People from conservative or rural areas often need more personal space and consequently, balance on one foot whilst extending a stiff arm forward. They do this in order to maintain their personal space, while greeting you at the same time.
The stiff handshake is also used by more aggressive personalities in general.
This form of handshake is also called the “pusher” and you must remember to give him his personal and emotional space, if you wish to interact with him.
The Pulling Handshake
This form of handshake involves the initiator making a strong pulling movement, thereby yanking the other person into his own personal space. This is a negative gesture and people who shake hands like this are perceived as arrogant and controlling by nature.
There are essentially three reasons for someone to pull someone into their personal space: first is that the person probably comes from a culture where personal space needs are smaller than yours secondly, they may be an insecure person who needs to interact with people in their own personal space only
thirdly, they may wish to establish their power and control on the encounter right from the start
None of the three reasons are positive and you may conclude that you are probably dealing with an insecure and controlling personality who will try to wheedle their way through the encounter.
The Pump Handshake
In this form of handshake, the initiator ends up shaking the other person's hand up and down like a pump. This is more commonly observed among rural societies. The initiator may often not let go of the other person's hand, even after the pumping action has stopped.
The Twisted Handshake
The twisted handshake is a sneaky handshake, in that it begins with the vertical hands and then the person will twist his hand in a smooth movement to assume a palm down position. In general, you should be wary of such people, as they may display traits that indicate under-handedness or sneakiness.
However, in all the examples of handshakes explained above, please remember to analyse the handshake whilst keeping in mind other gesture clusters, in order to make an accurate evaluation. Handshakes vary in strength, grip, vigour and duration. It is not necessarily that a good handshake will land you the job of your dreams. However, it is a given fact that a negative handshake will jeopardise your chances of getting it
Your handshake, however, can give the right impression of confidence, assertiveness, openness and trust. It can also convey a certain charisma and charm that can predispose prospective clients or employers to form favourable first impressions of you.
6.5 How to Shake Hands the Right Way
The following tips will help you to shake hands in a way that conveys a positive impression about you in the crucial first seconds of a meeting:
Extend your hand at the right time. If you wait for too long, it may seem like unfriendliness and if you extend your hand too soon, it may seem like overzealousness Keep your thumb and forefinger in an “L” shape, in order to fit into the other person's ”L” palm shape. Interlock your palms and fingers
Please keep your right hand free for handshaking. It becomes awkward if you happen to be holding your resume or files in the right hand, while clumsily groping with your left. If necessary, transfer the contents of the right hand to the left one before offering your hand Determine the characteristics of your own handshake and ask others to help you understand if the pressure is too strong. Many times, we may be unaware of our own handshake and it is
best to practice grips until you are able to strike the right balance. It is extremely useful to receive feedback on our handshakes
Please make eye contact before you actually interlock your palm and allow the contact to linger for about 10 seconds before you release the handshake. It is annoying to shake hands with someone whose attention is directed elsewhere. This helps demonstrate interest and attention in the encounter. Do not smile excessively, as this may indicate the desire to appease If you suffer from excessive sweatiness, consider mopping your hands with a napkin, spraying
antiperspirant, or blowing on your hands. This is especially useful if you have a lot of handshaking to do. If you are at a party, try to carry iced drinks in your left hand, in order to prevent the right hand from becoming cold and clammy. If you are wearing gloves, take care to remove them before shaking hands.
Extend your hand fully and comfortably, without holding back. People who hold out their hands only a little way are usually perceived to be submissive and weak Your handshake should be firm but gentle and should match the pressure of the other person. Please avoid making the handshake a macho squeezing contest with the other person
Try to keep the handshake simple, straightforward and honest. A typical handshake should last about three to four seconds and the range of motion should be roughly two to three inches. Avoid an excessive up and down movement. Goodbye handshakes are as important as greeting handshakes, so be prepared to shake hands twice during every encounter.
Even if the interaction was awkward or uncomfortable, a second handshake can help bring the relationship back to equilibrium.
Fact
In the UK, the official handshake is thought to have been first introduced in court by Sir Walter Raleigh
Source: afactaday.co.uk
6.6 Arm Cross Signals and their Significance in Body Language
The simplest and most common of all arm gestures is crossed arms.
Arms are crossed firmly across the chest in an instinctive gesture to protect the heart and lungs, as they are vital organs. We may get into a regular habit of crossing our arms and may not even notice that we are doing it. However, we may develop a defensive and negative attitude all the time, without being consciously aware of it.
It is very important to change negative body language, as it impacts our feelings and moods. The tightness of the crossed arms is in direct proportion to the feelings of undesirability.
If the person is feeling extremely defensive or negative, they may also cross their legs to express their emotion. This gesture is commonly observed when a person feels humiliated, insulted, or demeaned, because they feel on the defensive.
When you observe two people conversing and suddenly, one person crosses his or her arms, you can conclude that the other person has said something undesirable. If the arms are crossed and the hands are clenched into fists, then the person may be experiencing hostility in addition to defensiveness.
At times, you may also notice that you are gripping your biceps with the opposite hand (the left hand will grip the right bicep and so on) when you experience fear. This form of arm crossing is observed in dental and medical waiting rooms and also in airport departure lounges.
The person may also have their arms crossed while keeping their thumbs pointing upwards. This indicates defensiveness, but also demonstrates the person's willingness to retain a positive mindset despite the emotion. In fact, the individual may shift from a defensive position to a more empowering one and is likely to uncross their arms as the conversation proceeds.
Activity 2
Estimated time: 10 minutes
If you have organised a meeting, how would you try to get people to become less defensive and more
relaxed during interaction?
Do you think this is important for a more productive interaction?
6.7 Intricate Nuances of the Arm Cross
There are different attitudes that may be conveyed by the arm cross.
For example
If the person is sitting upright with their arms crossed, it may indicate only defensiveness. In this pose, the body assumes a symmetrical position and the right side mirrors the left.
However, if they have crossed their arms and leaned slightly backward, it may indicate defensiveness, coupled with a desire to dominate. The same feelings may also be communicated by a slight tilt to one side. This posture is commonly noticeable when people (especially high status individuals) pose for photographs.
When police officers or lawyers interrogate suspects, the person being questioned may cross their arms. This usually indicates that they are closing up and becoming defensive and are unlikely to reveal information.
When we are having fun, laughing or enjoying ourselves, we usually do not cross our arms.
Therefore, if you find yourself crossing your arms, you need to pause and ask yourself if something has upset you. Conversely, if you are conversing with someone and that person crosses their arms, you should become aware that you may have said something negative to the person.
If you are a speaker and often communicate to an audience from the stage or podium, etc, please consciously ensure that you do not cross your arms. The audience will be disinclined to believe you and will suspect you of being untruthful. They may also pay reduced attention to your words, because they have formed an unfavourable impression of you. Keep your arms crossed and relaxed, while speaking.
In general, men tend to cross their arms with a little inward rotation, whilst women tend to rotate their crossed arms slightly outward. A good way to prevent people from crossing their arms (and becoming defensive in the process) is to give them something to hold, such as a pen or a drink.
For example
If salespeople observe a prospective customer crossing their arms, they should first attempt to get the person to relax and uncross the arms, before proceeding with the talk.
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