2.1    Assertive employees are better at:

Speaking up when the work demands placed upon them are too great 

 Despite
the best efforts of their managers, employees sometimes find that they have
been asked to take on more than they can handle. A passive employee is likely to simply 'soldier on'
the best they can, risking burnout and probably developing feelings of
resentment or martyrdom that can worsen over time, lowering job satisfaction
and overall wellbeing. An aggressive employee in such a situation
is likely to be overly confrontational, demanding that the work be reassigned or delegated, thus causing friction
with their colleagues. An assertive employee, however, knows their own
limits and has the confidence to state
the problem as soon as it arises.

Communicating with senior management

Whilst seniority ought to be acknowledged and
respected in the workplace, it is a great shame to let the ideas and suggestions of junior members of staff go to
waste. An assertive employee knows how to present their
ideas in a constructive, respectful yet confident manner to others at all
levels of the organisation.

Identifying and raising issues relating to quality control

When an employee feels assertive enough to point
out any difficulties or shortcomings that they find with a company service or
product, the whole business benefits. Just think how many disasters could
have been averted if only those who spotted the signs early on had been
assertive enough to point out the potential pitfalls. In some industries, such
as healthcare and aviation, assertiveness could mean the difference between
life and death!

Asking for personal training and development oppurtunities

An assertive person is able to take an honest look
at their needs, including their shortcomings or weaknesses, and take the initiative in seeking opportunities that will enhance
their skill set. An assertive employee, compared to one that acts in
a typically passive manner, is much more likely to approach their manager or supervisor and state in calm, clear
terms what it is that they need in order
to improve their work performance.

Delivering and receiving feedback

 Whether reviewing a peer's performance or
delivering feedback as part of a management role, assertive employees are more likely to feel comfortable
identifying others' strengths and weaknesses
in a positive, constructive manner.

When a person feels assertive, they understand
that, not only are their opinions of value and worth, but they also know how to present this information in such a way
that the other party can make good use of it, rather than feel attacked. On the other side of the equation, an assertive
employee is in a better position to accept feedback on their own performance. As an assertive
person is confident
that, even when they make a mistake, that they are basically
competent, worthy and able to improve, they not only tolerate suggestions on
how they might improve, they actually welcome them! In other words,
constructive criticism is not seen as a direct attack on their personalities or
human worth but as a useful tool that can improve their performance. An assertive person is also well-equipped to
politely make a case against a particular
judgement or verdict, if they truly disagree with it.

For example ; Suppose an assertive employee receives feedback
suggesting that they ought to improve their presentation
skills; however, they sincerely believe that their abilities in this area are
good and that the person providing
feedback has overlooked some key evidence. Since they are assertive, they can make a case for having the feedback
form amended, without
becoming overly emotional
or starting an argument.

Preventing workplace bullying

Unfortunately harassment and intimidation in the workplace
are all too common. Fortunately, it can often be prevented by creating
a culture in which people are expected to communicate
their needs and experiences in an open, non-threatening manner. Furthermore,
assertive employees feel confident in reporting any bullying behaviour as soon
as it occurs, preventing such patterns
from becoming an entrenched or accepted part of the company culture.

Create a more pleasant work environment

 It is a relief to work in an environment in which
everyone understands their own rights, respects the rights of others and can be honest with one another
in a tactful and diplomatic way. This increases job satisfaction and the likelihood
of allowing positive, meaningful working relationships to develop. Identifying potential career directions and taking the necessary steps in order

Identifying potential career directions and taking the necessary steps in order to achieve their own aims

 Assertive people take control of their own lives
and believe that they can (within reason) control their own futures.

 An essential aspect of living in accordance with
this belief is taking charge of one's own career. Passive
people tend to 'fall into' job roles and then stay there because they cannot or
refuse to imagine anything better.
Aggressive people may try to effect change but approach the problem in a thoughtless manner or in such a way that rides roughshod
over the needs and feelings
of others.

Taking on responsibility

When someone believes that, with the right
guidance, they are capable of expanding their skill set, they are more likely to welcome increased
responsibility and more complex tasks, knowing that, if and when they do need
extra help, they can ask for it. Therefore, an assertive workforce is one that grows
in quality and skill. This can only benefit the organisation as a whole.

Activity

 Estimated Time: 10 minutes

Take a moment to think about a time in your working life in which assertiveness would have been an asset.

This can apply either to an individual
situation or to a team. How might things have turned out, had you approached
the situation with a higher degree of assertiveness? What lessons can you learn
for next time?

2.2    Achieving more Productive Relationships

In both our personal and professional lives, our relationships are built on transactions.

This may sound cold and impersonal but, in truth,
we all look to one another to satisfy our basic needs. In a marriage, for example, each spouse typically
looks to the other for companionship and intimacy. The partnership is entered into on this understanding - indeed, the terms and conditions are set out in the marriage vows! The 'deal' is as
follows: each person agrees to listen to, stand by and support their partner.

Likewise, in business, relationships
are entered into under the spoken or unspoken assumption that each party wants
something from the other. This could involve negotiating with a supplier or
setting up a new contract with temporary consulting firm. In each case,
everyone has their own idea of an ideal outcome. Assertive behaviour can help everyone
communicate their expectations and strike a balance between the needs of
everyone involved.

 How exactly then can being assertive help you build
more productive relationships? This is best understood by taking a closer look
at what everybody is looking for, whenever they enter into a relationship with
another person. In this context, we are considering both short and long-term
business relationships.

2.3   
What does
everybody want in their working relationships?

To feel respected

The moment a person begins to suspect
that they are the object of derision
or contempt is the
moment a relationship or deal suffers damage. You can create conditions of
respect by listening attentively to the other person, and giving them the chance to fully voice their concerns and requests. If you are not certain as to
whether or not you will remember precisely what was said, take notes!

  To feel as though they belong

   As humans, we are a social species
who like to feel as though we are 'one of the gang'. People
vary in how far they seek acceptance - indeed, some people appear to be
born rebels who care very little about
what others think of them - but the majority much prefer to be seen as a
well-liked, fully- integrated member of a team. Being assertive can help with this integration because it increases
intimacy and emotional involvement. Being assertive allows other people
the chance to get to know you as a person and,
even in a formal business
context, this can go a long way in making friends out of colleagues. Take the initiative in inviting new colleagues and business
contacts out to work socials and in making connections on relevant social
media. Avoid the temptation to make frequent in-jokes and private references
when in the company of new colleagues or others whom you do not know very well,
as this is alienating behaviour.

To feel as though their ideas and expertise are being respected

Even if you do not happen to like an individual as
a person, a crucial element to successful business relationships is to honour another
person's experience, qualifications and qualities that they can bring. As an assertive person, you can
recognise all of the above in others and ask them directly how they intend to use them, in order to
further everyone's goals. Make it your mission to not focus upon someone's
personality or looks but what they can bring to the situation
or problem under discussion.

 

 To feel as though their expectations are being met

It can be difficult to strike a balance between the
wants and needs of all parties, which is why
negotiation skills are such an important skill in the business world!
However, if you can clearly identify
your own ideal outcome prior to holding that initial conversation or meeting,
you are in a strong position. An assertive person knows what they want before the opportunity to get it arises and does not readily back down. Provided you have
carried out the necessary research beforehand and consulted with knowledgeable colleagues, it is
important to realise that your agenda and requirements are just as important as those of the other party.

 

 To feel as though their message is being understood

When you act in an assertive manner, you are not
concerned with 'looking stupid' or taking the time you need to understand what another person is saying. If in any
doubt, act assertively by taking a moment
to clarify what you believe another person is telling you. This makes you
appear calm, in control and, most importantly, sensitive to the needs and wishes
of other people.

 

 To feel as though they can clarify their goals and desired outcomes

Being assertive and valuing yourself also allows
you to value the input of other people. Rather than feeling threatened or prematurely judgemental of others, you begin
to see them as potential sources of new
inspiration.

 

 To avoid being caught in pointless gossiping, politics and backbiting

There are few quicker ways to damage or even destroy a relationship than allowing gossip and festering resentments to flourish. Some people like
to liven up their working day or even their whole lives by resorting to gossip
or put-downs - resist this temptation. Tell yourself that, as an assertive person, you value yourself far too much to
engage in such childish behaviour. Talking badly of someone behind their back does not just demean them, it also
demeans you. In addition, remember this: when you
gossip about someone, you are acting as a model for other people who may be
listening, particularly those in more junior positions. They will learn that
this kind of behaviour is acceptable. Furthermore, other people may well start
talking about you in a critical fashion, complaining how petty and juvenile you
are - you have been warned!

2.4    When you are assertive, you feel able to

Collaborate with other people more readily

When you feel able to share your ideas without
feeling self-conscious, this makes creative collaboration
more likely. In turn, it means that the solutions that you devise will be more
numerous, more creative and you will all have more fun along the way. Being assertive means that you feel able to ask people directly for their
input or opinion which fosters a healthy sense of teamwork and helps avoid
situations in which the strongest, loudest members of the team end up doing all
of the work or taking up all the air
in the room.

 Manage any professional jealousy

Standing up for your own ideas, achievements and
self-worth are valuable remedies against the envy of others. It is completely natural to occasionally feel slight
resentment or jealousy towards someone whom you believe is better-qualified
than yourself or that has achieved the kind of professional success
that you would
like for yourself. However, when this causes you significant distress, it may be a sign
that you are under-valuing yourself and need to be more assertive in taking
charge of your professional life.

 Quickly resolve any fundamental disagreements or misunderstandings

Assertive people are realistic in their approach to
conflict. When they realise that a disagreement is building, they calmly ask each person for their respective input
and then come to an appropriate decision.
Is this easy? Definitely not - it can be hard to keep personal politics and
agendas in the background. Is it the
healthiest way of resolving disagreements? Absolutely.

Activity

Estimated Time: 15 minutes

 Are you
currently working in a team situation or managing another kind of
business-based relationship that does not feel especially productive?

 What would happen if you were more assertive with
the other person or persons involved? Think about how you could change your
style of relating to everyone involved, starting from the next time you meet.

 2.5    Understanding Yourself and Others

 So far, we have discussed behavioural patterns, in terms of passive, aggresive and assertive.

Whilst this is a useful way of thinking about the
most common ways in which people react to the world around them, of course real
life is not quite so simple. Just as most of us are neither entirely introverted nor entirely extroverted, our
communication styles change somewhat, depending upon the circumstances in which
we are in. For this reason, it is a good idea to avoid labelling yourself
or another person as being entirely 'passive,' 'aggressive' or 'assertive'.

  Whilst these words are a useful form of shorthand,
always remember that we are talking about passive, aggressive or assertive
types of behaviours, rather than individuals.As you come to learn more about the various ways in
which people relate to one another and the major
communication styles, you will automatically start labelling in these terms the
behaviours that you see around
you. It can be quite
astonishing to realise
the extent to which people
differ in the ways that they handle various
situations.

 The next two modules are all about the value of
noticing, appreciating and evaluating the communication
styles of those people with whom you have to deal and coming to accept them on
their own terms. You will also learn a little more about yourself and how
humans develop their own unique personalities and ways of approaching the
world. As you learn more about communication styles and
take the time to notice other peoples' preferred modes of interaction, you will come to the following realisations, if you have not already
done so:

 2.6    The way they treat you is not personal

 When you take a step back from your
personal relationship to another person and begin to notice how they behave  towards others, you will probably begin to see
that their supposed
grievance against you is not personal.

For instance If your boss is typically abrupt and somewhat
aggressive in their manner, when the two of you interact, there is a good
chance that they respond in a similar fashion to others within the organisation. Noticing this can be greatly
reassuring, as it is probably not 'just you' to whom they are reacting!

   You come to realise that accepting other peoples' behaviours brings you a
sense of calmness and peace

 When you accept that someone is consistent in their
communication and interaction style, this can
relieve some of the pressure that you feel to either change yourself or
to pressure them into altering their
own behaviour. It would be great if everyone took responsibility for their own
actions and tried to behave in a healthier fashion;
unfortunately, wishing for such change is not a good use of your
time or energy - save it for your own self-improvement.

 You come to realise that, by looking at how a person typically behaves in daily life, you can come to understand the reasons why they are the way they are

 Sometimes the person in question is not even aware
of their own behaviours! However, to an outsider, it may seem obvious. Such
realisations can help you to understand a person's current situation or even major events that have
influenced their life to date.

 2.7   
An essential
lesson: realise that you cannot change other people          through sheer force of will

 It can be tempting, especially when learning
about new ways of interacting with others, to try
and pass on your new knowledge and skills.

 

For
example You may find that behaving in a more assertive
manner helps you to feel more confident in your job and improves your relationships with your colleagues. You may
also start to notice destructive patterns
in those around you. You might start to think 'If only so-and-so realised how
aggressive/passive they are, perhaps they could change. They could be so much
more productive and happier, if only they were willing to do XYZ!' This is
understandable but futile.

Remember that you cannot change
someone. They must reach a place of realisation themselves. Even if they are provided
with books, training manuals or are sent on a relevant course, meaningful change only comes when a person has
decided for themselves that they are ready to conduct themselves in a new way. Do not be tempted - unless you are in a
management position and any destructive
behaviour is therefore your responsibility - to approach them directly, in such
a way that implies that they ought to change. In all probability, they will not thank you for it!

Note, however, that this section is not titled 'An
essential lesson: realise that you cannot change other people, ever.' There are a couple of mechanisms by which
you can encourage people to act differently.

  The first is positive
reinforcement.

 This can be done in such a subtle way that the
person concerned does not even realise that you are doing it. Basically, when the person acts in an assertive
manner, behave especially warmly towards them
so that they associate assertive behaviours (for example, putting their ideas
forward in a constructive way) with social approval.

 The second method is simple in theory but requires ongoing
effort: model assertive
behaviour yourself.

  Assertiveness is generally well-received by those
around you, for reasons that we have already outlined in these   modules. Role
modelling requires no explicit instructions - all you have to do is implement
the lessons that you are  learning on this course, demonstrate the positive
effects that assertive behaviour has
on you and those around you  and you increase the odds that others will follow
your lead.

 Activity

Estimated time: 20 minutes

Think back to a difficult
working relationship that you have experienced.

Was this person too aggressive or passive in their
dealings with you? Write down what they did that caused you distress. Now
consider how long it took you to notice their characteristic style of relating to others. What were the earliest warning signs?
Could you learn from this experience? What, if
anything, did you do about any behaviours that directly affected you?
Did you behave in an appropriately assertive manner? Why or why not? Finally,
if applicable, what could you do better the next time someone in the workplace
makes your life difficult by continually engaging in overly aggressive or
passive behaviour?

 2.8    The Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships

  Of all the topics studied by psychologists and
sociologists, the ways in which people interact with one another    has been among
the most studied.

 Academics have come up with a wide range of
theories attempting to summarise, explain and predict the ways in  which two or more people will communicate and build
relationships. In this module, we are
going to look at the ways in which various combinations of the three main
behavioural styles interact and what often happens as a result. We  will
consider how assertive behaviour is an asset in any interpersonal dynamic!

 Passive-Passive

 This is often a frustrating setup for both parties
- neither party will be getting their needs met because neither party is willing or able to clearly state what
they want or need.

There are typically few arguments with this kind of
pairing but there is little chance for growth
because those concerned often avoid any possible risk of conflict or
argument. Two passive people may both
go away from the encounter both harbouring feelings that the other person does
not really care because discussions between two people who act in this way tend
to be muted with an air of caution.

 If there is a problem requiring a solution, two
passive people will often be too tentative in putting forward suggestions, which leaves a lot of potential untapped.
However, neither person will feel especially
comfortable raising the topic of communication styles, at the risk of starting
an argument! They will typically follow
the path of least resistance instead and settle
for a 'good enough' solution.

 Aggressive-Aggressive

 With this combination, both people will waste no
time in letting the other know exactly what they want, need and expect from one
another.

 Unfortunately, the way in which
this information is presented means
that a peaceful, happy
resolution or collaboration is rendered unlikely. Rather than take the time to
slow down, appreciate the other
person's needs and work together for a solution that satisfies everyone
involved, two aggressive people will often launch pre-emptive strikes against
one another in a desperate bid to get whatever
it is that they want. Discussions on controversial topics may very quickly
become heated and, depending on the situation, may result in long-lasting fallout
that can harm the reputation of both people.

Assertive-Assertive

 When two people act in an assertive manner in a
relationship, both honour the basic needs and
requirements of the other. Both feel able to put forward their ideas and, if
they sense that the relationship could do with some improvement or an ongoing issue
needs to be resolved, they make their
feelings known. This does
not mean that everything goes smoothly at all times; rather, both people
acknowledge problems out loud but in a manner that does not put the other party
on the defensive.

 Two people acting in an assertive way will feel
able to steer the discussion towards any issues that they feel arising in the relationship and use their excellent
communication skills to solve problems. Even
though there will invariably be disagreements at times - this is the nature of
all human relationships of any
notable duration - neither party will feel fundamentally threatened. They both
know that arguments are not a sign of weakness and that it is entirely possible
to emerge on the other side of even a
heated row with one's self-respect intact.

 Passive-Aggressive

 When an aggressive person encounters a passive
individual, they will automatically assume that whatever they demand will be
made available to them.

 Often, they are correct in their assumption! The
aggressive party will feel as though they have 'won' easily and may be satisfied
with the outcome
but they may also feel a degree of contempt
towards the passive person whom they have 'beaten' and wonder why they
do not stand up for themselves more often! The passive person in this encounter
will often be left feeling used or even violated, perhaps upset that, yet again, they have been walked all over and had their needs unmet.

 Passive-Assertive

 When an assertive person encounters someone that is
adopting a passive behaviour style, the former will typically feel frustrated.

 As an important element of assertive behaviour is
holding a genuine desire to learn more about the other person, including their needs and views, the assertive person in such a pairing
will typically try to 'draw
out' the passive party's opinions. This can be somewhat intimidating for their
passive conversation partner who may be more accustomed to staying in the
background and keeping their views to themselves. However,
provided the assertive
person is respectful and gives the other
person a chance to speak,
they may be able to draw a passive person
out of themselves.

 Assertive-Aggressive

 An aggressive person may initially mistake an
assertive person for a passive individual - until they try to get their own way
via intimidation!

At this point, an assertive person will stand up
for their rights and refuse to let an aggressive person mistreat them, even leaving the room if necessary. There is a
possibility that, once an aggressive person,
used to getting their own way whenever they feel like it, realises that they
are not going to 'win', they will
back down when they would have otherwise continued to try and push their point.
On the other hand, they may feel inclined
to push even harder, at which point
the assertive party
will have to diffuse
the situation, using
conflict resolution techniques or attempting to find a compromise.

 2.9   
The kinds
of people we are attracted to - why do we typically feel drawn to those like ourselves?

 The Similarity Hypothesis predicts that we are drawn to, and want
to spend most time with, people whose  communication styles and personalities
most closely mirror our own.

 That is, if we feel most comfortable with an
aggressive and forthright style, we are more likely to be closer to friends and colleagues who also
communicate in this way. People like others who are like themselves because it
offers a sense of comfort and validation. Unfortunately, the more time we spend around people who behave in destructive ways
- for instance, if they are overly-passive or aggressive - the more likely we are to believe that this style is 'normal'
or even 'good'.

 Consider whether you need to spend time with
healthier role models who behave in ways that are respectful of their own needs
and those of other people. This can apply to the workplace as much as in your personal life.

Activity

 Estimated time: 10 minutes

 Think back to a significant, difficult interaction that you have
experienced with someone else over the past week. If you had to fit this interaction to one of the
above descriptions, which one would it be and why? Were you behaving assertively? If not, why not? If you could
replay the scene over again, how would you
act now?

2.10   
Why Rights
are Important to Assertiveness

 In this section, we are going to return to the issue of rights and responsibilities.

Right at the start of the course, we established that assertiveness involves standing up for your rights whenever you interact with other people. Everyone has the following rights, whatever their age, sex, experience level, intelligence or socio-economic background. Internalising this bill of rights is a key step in assertiveness because, only when you truly believe that you are entitled to everything on the list below, will you feel able to stand up for yourself and what you believe in.

2.11   
Everyone has the following rights:

 *The right to live without fear or intimidation

 No family, workplace or social situation should be
a place of terror. Nobody, whoever they may be, has the right to bully others into getting what they want. If
somebody is going out of their way to make
you feel small or 'less than', the problem lies firmly with them and not with
you.

 *The right to live a life free of discrimination

 Nobody should be expected to tolerate
discrimination on any grounds, including race, sex, gender, sexual orientation, age, health status,
religion, political persuasion and so forth.

 *The right to express feelings in an appropriate way

 As human beings, a large proportion of our lived
experience is made up of emotions - there is no escaping them! Our feelings are the primary
way by which we know whether a situation is appropriate or healthy and it is
perfectly reasonable to expect that others will take your feelings into account when making decisions
that affect you. This does not mean the earth revolves around you
and your preferences - sometimes you are going
to face disappointment and your preferences will not receive top priority. However, when dealing with
reasonable people, you can expect that you will have the opportunity to make your feelings known.

 *The right to say 'No' without being made to feel guilty

 Many passive people struggle with turning down
requests and invitations, even when saying 'yes' costs them time, effort or money that they cannot afford to lose. In the workplace, a classic example is being asked to take on too much work. An aggressive person
may rudely inform
the asker that they have far too much to do
already, thus creating conflict and bitterness. A passive person will typically accept the extra workload,
perhaps burning themselves out or adopting a martyred air, as they stay late for the third night in a
row. An assertive person, however, knows that they can say 'no' to an unreasonable request and do not have to feel
guilty about doing so, however badly the asker
reacts.

 *The right to change one's mind

 Sometimes, we make decisions without knowing all
the salient facts or having access to all the relevant
information. In other cases, we can make snap judgements, based on emotion, and
overlook important facts.
In either scenario, it is important to remember that everyone has the right
to change their mind.
Just because you have committed to a particular course of action
in the past, it does not
mean that you are not allowed to change your mind as your situation changes or
new facts make themselves known. It can be difficult to fully appreciate this particular right, as western cultures typically value certainty and a willingness to 'stick with something.' However,
in many cases, changing
your mind is a wise thing to do! Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

*The right to make mistakes

 Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes at some
stage in every area of our lives. In fact, you should
assume that you will continue to learn and grow throughout life and mistakes
can make for great teachers! Do not let anyone make you feel bad for being
human and slipping up from time to time.
Of course you ought to apologise for any errors that hurt other people or cause
major damage but nobody should be
expected to lead a flawless existence.

 *The right to make reasonable requests

 It is important to remember that other people are
not mind-readers and it is up to us to take responsibility for stating our own
needs. Everyone has the right to ask for what they need and would like.

*The right to decide on future plans and directions

 As an individual human being, you have the right to
think about the best future course of action that would best suit you. Remember, you also have the right to change
your mind when it comes to future plans! Note that, as far as rights are concerned, the opposite side of the coin is responsibility. Just as you and other people have the right to
make mistakes, change your mind and so forth, you also have the responsibility to respect that right in
others.

 Note that respecting other peoples' rights does not
mean that you have to like them or agree with
what they are saying. You simply have to extend to them the same decency
and respect that you deserve from
them. This can seem easy when you and another person are getting along well, or
you are dealing with somebody that
you happen to like; however, it is another matter when someone violates your
rights.

 2.12   
When someone
violates your rights

 Once you truly understand what you can expect from others, it becomes easier to act in an assertive manner the moment you sense that other people are trampling on your rights.

For instance Suppose a colleague continually speaks to you about
irrelevant matters throughout the afternoon - you are busy and do not have time
for their idle chatter. You politely tell them that you cannot talk this afternoon as you have several
important documents to prepare in advance of tomorrow's meeting. Your colleague becomes
annoyed and says that they are 'only trying to be friendly'.

  At this point, the issue of rights and assertiveness comes into play. By becoming
annoyed with you and
refusing to accept responsibility for their own inappropriate behaviour, your colleague is ignoring your right to disengage, say
'no' and put your own needs first. Once you recognise that they are not respecting your rights, it is up to you to behave in an assertive manner.

A passive response would be to mutter something
like 'Sorry, I know you were only trying to be friendly…what were you saying?'
and then promptly lose hours of precious work time as they ramble on about
whatever topic that currently holds their interest. An aggressive response would go along the lines of
'Can you please just not talk to me! I'm trying to work!' which may be more effective in the short term but also risks inciting an argument in the
office.

 A more suitable, assertive
response would be something like 'I really must get this work done. I can't talk to you now but I'll catch up with you tomorrow
morning'. Said with a smile and body language
that indicates that you are fully focusing on your work, this is an
assertive way in which to handle the
situation that makes you neither a pushover nor rude.