Control your emotions

When you find out that a person you support will die soon, you may feel overwhelmed by sadness, fear, worry, anxiety and anger. This is part of the grieving process. You have to accept what is happening and not upset or burden the individual with your own emotions and feelings.

You may secretly wish for the person to die quickly so they don’t have to go through the final stages painfully. When a person dies, you may feel guilt, peace, sadness and relief.  

These are all normal reactions. 

You can communicate your thoughts with your manager and seek support for yourself.

You must NEVER show any impatience or frustration you may be feeling in front of the individual or their family. Not verbally, physically or through any element of body language.

Get immediate support if you feel you cannot behave in this way.

Stress and resilience

It is important that you take notice of your own feelings and stress levels and seek support if you feel you are not coping well.

Skills for Care has produced “Building your own resilience, health and wellbeing” for people working in adult social care. It explains what resilience is and how you can build your own resilience.

Resilience is the ability to cope with pressure in a care work environment. The guide explains how the care worker’s wellbeing and resilience links to high quality, person-centred care and support.

It will help you to understand what you and your employer can do to promote your own wellbeing and resilience.

It is not selfish to look after yourself.  Doing so will enable you to feel stronger, both emotionally and physically, which will enable you to provide better care and support. 

Here are some practical things you can do when working with a person or people who are dying:

There are lots of organisations providing support and resources online.

Dying Matters is a coalition of individuals and organisations aiming to support people to talk more openly about dying, death and bereavement, and to make plans for the end of life.

Healthtalk.org provides free information about health issues by sharing people’s real experiences covering a wide range of health issues.

Cancer Research fund scientists, doctors and nurses to help beat cancer. They also provide cancer information. They have some useful resources on how to talk to people who are dying.

Macmillan provide information and support for people at the end of life and through bereavement which are useful resources to learn from.

The Alzheimer’s Society provide information about supporting a person with dementia during bereavement.

Marie Curie provide information and support in caring for people when they die.