Most people grieve when they lose something or someone important to them.
The way grief affects people depends on lots of things.
The type of loss they have experienced
The way they were brought up
Their beliefs or religion
Their age
Their relationships
Their physical health
Their mental health
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but understanding the stages of grief will help you to understand your own feelings and also those of the individuals you work with. It is important to note that people can grieve before a person has died. Just hearing the news will start the grief process.
There have been different models to explain grief published over the years.
The 5 stages of grief in terminal illness model were documented by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book “On Death and Dying” which was inspired by her work with people who were terminally ill. Dr Kubler-Ross later refined this to a 7 stage model. The stages are described as:
Shock Stage
It is natural to be shocked upon receiving bad news.
A person can go through many feelings and even have some physical reactions in a state of shock, as well including dizziness and nausea. Shock is the initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
Denial Stage
In this stage, individuals believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.
Feelings of denial might be because of lack of understanding.
Anger stage
When the individual recognises that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated and are likely to target people closest to them.
A person undergoing this phase would be:
“Why me?”
“It’s not fair!”
“How can this happen to me?”
“Who is to blame?”
“Why would this happen?”
Bargaining stage
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief.
Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise.
Examples include the terminally ill person who “negotiates with God” to attend a daughter’s wedding or an attempt to bargain for more time to live in exchange for a reformed lifestyle.
Depression stage
During the fourth stage, the individual despairs at the recognition of their mortality.
In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.
They might say things like:
“I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”
“I’m going to die soon, so what’s the point?”
“I miss my loved one; why go on?”
Testing stage
During this stage, a person will start to think about ways to better cope and seek practical solutions.
Acceptance stage
Finally finding the way forward. In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event.
People dying may precede the survivors in this state, which typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions.
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