Seeking Help

3.1 It Is Not Weak to Speak Out

This is one of the biggest mindset shifts that can help empower people within the construction industry, who are probably having to contend with conditioned beliefs around the 'macho' idea of strength equating to lack of vulnerability. This is simply not realistic — we are all vulnerable. It takes great courage and bravery to speak up, and, therefore, developing a mindset, both individually and collectively, whereby speaking out is framed as strong and admirable, is really important.

In addition, for every one person who speaks out, we help to create a culture whereby it becomes easier for others to do so because, even though it may not feel like it, we are all connected, and the feeling that it is OK to speak out and seek help is naturally contagious.

3.2 Everyone Matters and We Are Not Alone

No one person is more important than any other, so it's important to be aware that if you're experiencing thoughts that your experience is 'not bad enough' to warrant help, or that other people are more deserving than you, that this could actually be a symptom of poor self-esteem. Not valuing yourself or believing that you are worth it is a very common symptom.

The truth is that you deserve to be mentally healthy, just as much as any other person, and, therefore, it's important to build into our shared mindset that it's ok to ask for help. In fact, it's incredibly strong to ask for help. Once you do so, you will discover that you are not as alone as you may have felt, and there can be immense solace and health-giving benefits in making this discovery.

3.3 Asking for Help: First Steps

'....But how?'

You may find yourself asking. 'It all sounds good, but how do I do it?' or 'How do I help that person whom I know is struggling?' First of all, the most important thing is to speak to someone you trust. They don't need to be a professional or any specific type of person, as long as they are someone you trust and whose confidence you value. It could be a friend, relative, community leader or someone you don't know but whose role is to provide a listening ear, such as a helpline, for example, the Samaritans.

Tell them what you can about what you're feeling. It doesn't matter if you struggle to express it perfectly — sometimes, even the struggle to convey your feelings is enough to create a shift. When you hear yourself speak the truth of your experience out loud, you automatically begin to shift your perspective, and then when you receive feedback, care or consideration from the person to whom you're speaking, this also helps you to make the transition from shouldering all your troubles alone, to feeling like it's not 'just you' anymore. This is very commonly a huge relief for people.

You may find that when you open up, you are surprised by the permission that it naturally offers others to do the same. You may find that the person you see as completely capable and free from the kinds of struggles that have isolated you in fact feels much the same and then feels able to talk to you.

Reciprocity in sharing is hugely beneficial and helps to rebalance the culture away from ideas that vulnerability is weakness and, instead, directly reinforces the truth that we are stronger together. As the conversation opens up, you may wish to discuss with your confidante the fact that you're not sure who to turn to, for more structured help if that's what you feel you need. They may then be able to help you explore options, or, depending on the nature of your issues, you may find that speaking to a trusted listener is, in itself, enough to help you resolve things.

3.4 Asking for Help: Next Steps

Having aired your concerns with one person will help you to find clarity regarding what you'd like to do next. It is extremely helpful to talk through your different options with someone. We will explain what these are, and then these can form the springboard for you to find the relevant person to help you. The more you talk about your experiences, the easier it becomes to open up — even if it's still really

difficult, it's rarely as difficult as the very first time.

3.5 Avenues Through which to Seek Mental Health Support

Your GP

GPs can offer a wide range of help themselves, from antidepressants to referrals to talking therapies or whatever else they may feel would be specifically helpful for you. Your GP is the best person to consult, in order to bind a therapist for a specific issue if that is what you need. They may refer you to a psychiatrist, a psychologist or a psychotherapist, based on your needs.

NHS 111, 999 Emergency Services or A&E

If you feel in any immediate danger, there are trained operatives in all of these services, who will help you to come out of the intensity of an emergency situation and can then guide you towards the appropriate help.

Helplines and charities

There is a vast array of mental health helplines available free of charge, run by charities, offering services ranging from general listening to advice on specific conditions.

Examples include the Samaritans, Mind and SANEline

Private therapy

Depending on what you're experiencing and how you want to pursue help, you may also wish to pay for therapy and select a therapist yourself, as there are many independent therapists offering a vast array of therapies. Having a therapist whom you like and trust is an important factor in successful therapy, so, for many people, this can be an attractive option. However, we would advise you to be discerning and select a therapist belonging to a professional register, based on their qualifications.

For example

The UKCP (UK Council for Psychotherapy) for a psychotherapist, or the GHR (General Hypnotherapy Register) for a hypnotherapist.

3.5 Helping Others

If you have noticed changes in thinking, feeling or behaviour in someone close to you, whether personally or professionally, and wish to approach them to see if they're OK, this is a good and potentially life-changing way in which you can help them. However, it's important to make sure that you do so in a way that won't make them feel threatened, judged or, in any way, unsafe. People commonly misjudge the simplicity with which it's possible to help someone. All you need to do is find a suitable private moment to ask them if they're doing OK, and to let them know that you are there, should they ever wish to speak to you. A simple cup of tea and a chat can make the world of difference.

Of course, the person may not wish to open up to you, and, if so, you must respect this and not push or pressurise them in any way, remembering that even a small act, such as a text, e-mail or kind enquiry into their day, can help someone to feel less alone. It's important to recognise that your role is not to rescue anyone, to help them to solve anything or to take responsibility for their experience but simply to provide a listening presence for anything that they may wish to share. When we develop a culture that embodies this listening presence and openness, so much more becomes possible.

MODULE SUMMARY

Your mindset around seeking help can be hugely inβluential over your chances of recovery — if you allow yourself to open up and receive help, you are far more likely to feel better. It is strong to speak out, and, in doing so, you empower others. Even a casual chat can make a world of difference, either to you or to someone else.

It doesn't need to be a huge thing — you can greatly change someone's experience with a simple gesture, such as a simple cup of tea, text or e-mail. Speaking to someone you trust is the first important step. From there, you can explore options to find a professional to help you more specifically if this is what you feel you need.

In Module 4, we will discuss what needs to change in the construction industry to help workers with mental health problems.